think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
