i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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