She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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