I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
