she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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