If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
