My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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