There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
