would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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