i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
