When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Help me help you realize you are a moron
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
