He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
