Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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