Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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