I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
