Already got asked if we're dating
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
