Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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