New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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