i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
