Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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