If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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