I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
