My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Randomize
