Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
