i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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