Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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