Umm I'm too high to move.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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