oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
