Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
