My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
