The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
