i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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