Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
