the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
