i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
