I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
