***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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