the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Randomize
