Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
