You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
