Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
