I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
