I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
