You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
