I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
