Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
