He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
