So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I look excited, but its just a facade.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
