Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
