if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
