I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
