Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
