As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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