So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
