please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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