I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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