champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Houston, we have a blender
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
