it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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