i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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